Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
