I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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