First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And then he peed in my hair
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