she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
