Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
