She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
