Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
