So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
