hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.