New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?