it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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