last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
