So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
even my farts smell like vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The air taste purple.
Randomize