turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They took my balls.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize