Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i think i just lost a toe
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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