I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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