come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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