You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
