are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
