I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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