I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
