i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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