Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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