dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's blow job season.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again