The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel