to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.