I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
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I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream