Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
