shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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