I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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