you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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