you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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