I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going