I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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