i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.