theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.