I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
