hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
