i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.