She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...