i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
