i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.