yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My ATM looks so different sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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