So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize