So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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