You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
