Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
