Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
