I just saw a hot homeless man
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
