We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
