So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
