She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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