So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.