how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
