Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
