You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.