I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.