i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...