Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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