Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
