the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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