youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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