wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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